When you arrive at the airport, don’t tell Accurev airlines that you want to “check in” for your flight. They won’t know what you’re talking about. Tell them you wish to “promote” yourself to San Francisco.

Safety is an important part of Accurev airlines. Planes might occasionally crash, but if they do, you can always back up to an older version where you are still alive. They call this “time safety”.

It’s a great airline! :-)

I have used MKS, Dimensions and Clearcase, too. Those tools are great fodder for some hilarious airline horror stories. More more!

It is often criticized that bzr airlines is too slow when there are lots of passengers and heavy cargo in the plane. Indeed, some large companies and teams have evaluated bzr airlines not being fast enough for their purposes. However, there is a strong belief among loyal bzr passengers that the speed will improve in the future.

Experienced passengers sometimes come up with more specialized requirements and ask if bzr airlines can provide the service for them. Quite often the answer is that such specialized services tend to confuse ordinary passengers and hence they shouldn’t be official part of the company. Sometimes passengers establish such services themselves to serve other passengers. The idea is that bzr airlines quite willingly accepts the specialized services provided by individual passengers. Many passengers find these services necessary part of pleasant flying experience. Unfortunately specialized services are sometimes hard to find and they are not available for every flying routes and plane models of bzr airplanes.

Well, I do know that several airlines actually use Accurev and Forrester wrote a case study on one of them about release management (thought it was US Airlines but later learned it was “a US airline” to stay anonymous. It was pretty impressive stuff.

But to be funny…

If Accurev were an airline, it would be called Streamlined Airways.

— Planes would land on time (aka TimeSafety) with cleaner wheels than when they took off.

– Passengers could book their seats from London, Boston and San Diego and check-in all at the same time without worrying about sitting on one another.

– Bags would be checked and frequently merged with other good bags in multiple stages to prevent searching every single passenger’s dirty laundry and saving time tracking down bags that didn’t pass the beagle’s sniff test.

Planes could be diverted from their original destination while in mid-flight and still every passenger would arrive safely, as if by magic. No one would have to be dragged from their seat and dropped without a parachute.

If Accurev were an airline, it would run on water and burn water vapor to help grow our nation’s farmland…ok, I have to get back to work now… ;-)

~D

This airline started as a skunk-works project in Sweden that was sold as a “sort of version control thing” to a few buddies of the designers that happened to run large companies. Eventually enough “buddies” were recruited into the club that the airline became noticeable to IBM, who bought it and renamed it to CMSynergy airlines without changing any functionality.

This airline will get where you need to go if you don’t care how many stops you have to make along the way, or long it takes to get there. The really neat thing is that it will let you back up to any of the stops along the way if you don’t like where you ended up. Additional flights may merge with your flight along the way between any of the stops. If you happen to back up to a point before one of these mergers takes place, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. It’s the merged passengers that will have to worry.

If you need to personalize your plane, you may do so, but good luck finding the maintenance manual to do so. If you ask for help from the stewardess, there’s a good chance the plane will crash, so it’s best to just experiment while in flight.

Run by a close group of like-minded Mathematicians who work very hard to ensure that whenever the plane does anything it is doing it correctly. Anything which cannot be proven as correct is usually left to the pilot to handle mid-flight.

Known for its ability to make multiple copies of a plane in-flight, each with a different pilot. Due to its robust proven correctness and massive tests of each plane as it is finished, these planes tend to merge back to one before landing, although sometimes the multiple planes end up landing at different airports due to disagreements between the pilots. The airline’s workers always say that this is not a bad thing, it is simply how the world works.

Unfortunately the correctness of the system requires each plane to have a copy of the plans of each plane that came before it, which often leads to flights which are delayed hours, days, or even weeks. Many passengers decide halfway through the pre-flight checks switch airlines and never look back.

Some passengers from other airlines whose flights happened to travel through the Bermuda triangle, have reported strange episodes where they awoke on an SCCS “plane” and found no passengers or pilots on board. As in the great ghost ships on the high seas, the “plane” seemed to steer itself, and passenger noises were heard faintly from far off in the distance, as if much of the activity was all happening in another spacetime. After wandering the SCCS “plane” for a short while, they ended up fogging out and waking up back on their original airliner, with hardly any present time having passed…

Supporters of the collapsing universe theory believe that each iteration of “The Big Bang” is preserved in a massive SCCS “airplane” which continually circles various points in the world sheet spacetime, and that our current universe is version 7.13.244, build 3a.

Main competitor: RCS airlines.

Sometimes the tower operator changes and the new one might forget about previous deals, therefore some passengers get stuck in the middle of the process, for example during their toilet business.

This airline’s flagship airliner is modeled on the successful CVS design. But instead of flying in a V formation, the planes are sealed into the hold of a mammoth flying fortress called the “Emmess Essque Ell” and airlifted, one at a time, to their destination. This decreases the wear and tear on each plane, but tremendously increases the fuel requirements and the time required for each trip. Due to the size and cost of the Emmess Essque Ell, there can only be one per airport, so travellers often find themselves waiting on the tarmac while the Essque Ell ferries planes from an adjacent terminal.

The planes have a gorgeous new paint job and the usual airline seats have been replaced by large, cushy leather recliners. It is true that customers have complained that the paint rubs off at a touch and that the comfortable recliners tend to tip over backwards, forward, or to just collapse into a small, sad collection of unidentifiable lumpy bits of cloth; however, the airline remains popular nonetheless with the fashion and comfort conscious. The airline’s customer service representatives suggest that customers should wear inexpensive clothing when flying and not lean back “too far”.

Recent plane models from this airline have apparently attempted to graft spare parts from SVN planes onto the basic CVS frame in order to allow multiple-passenger flights. However, whenever more than one passenger enters a plane at once, they must each press a large red button by the door to register their presence. If this procedure is not followed, the plane will spontaneously fragment in mid-flight. This is not the tragic event one might suppose, as each passenger seat is an independently flightworthy vehicle equipped with an autopilot and enough fuel to safely reach any destination. However, these unfortunate incidents do result in passengers arriving at their destination in a rather chaotic manner, making it difficult to determine which plane the each passenger flew on or which passengers were on any given plane.

Despite its flaws, this airline is popular with [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entymology]entymoligists[/url], due to the fact that each armrest contains a courtesy PDA in which an enterprising traveler can record all the insects he or she observes while in flight. Any information entered into the PDA is sent to a central database maintained by Surround airlines, and can be cross-referenced and compared to the experiences of other travelers from terminals conveniently located at every Surround gate.

ClearlyThere Airlines holds to the credo ‘flight without the trouble’, as the destination isn’t so much arrived at but built ‘on the fly’. A great deal of expense goes into the process of getting there, which happens out-of-site of the traveller. Their sales spokesperson states, ‘The beauty of ClearlyThere is that the traveller doesn’t really know they are flying. They just appear where they need to be when they want to go.”

Detractors of ClearlyThere complain that they don’t actually fly, but teleport. ClearlyThere says this is nonsense, there is no such thing as teleportation. Other detractors complain that no-one actually goes anywhere, but, through a combination of drugs and hypnosis, travellers are ‘convinced’ they’ve gone somewhere. The glazed happy look to most of ClearlyThere travellers leads credence to this theory. Others argue the real problem is that you can only go where the airline sends you, and the ‘happy, glazed’ look are the drugs they give you to make you accept the destination as if that was your intended destination.

ClearlyThere has its issues. ClearlyThere doesn’t actually use pilots, preferring to use expensive ‘Doctors of Transportation and Control’ who handle the act of transportation. Although this approach has merit, as even in-flight collisions can be redirected to ground without apparent damage, the cost can be astronomical. When asked about this problem, ClearlyThere sales staff responded, ‘Of course costs are astronomical. ClearlyThere was designed for spaceflight!’ ClearlyThere spokes people were unavailable for comment when asked when ClearlyThere lite would take travellers.

It seems that most of these trampolines get worn and tattered rather quickly, but everyone that uses them still think they look shiny and new.

A staggering 40% of travellers “fly” this airline, where you arrive at your destination by bouncing from trampoline to trampoline across the country. International flights are occasionally attempted without much success.

A startup founded by the same person who started TLA Airlines, this was a massively underfunded endeavor with the same lofty goals as TLA Airlines. Due to the lack of investment, planes were mostly created out of reused plastic bottles and duct tape. Flights typically took weeks to arrive, mostly due to well known flaws in the engine design. The engines were held in place with chewing gum, and that gum would routinely get loose and clog the engine. At that point, the plane would have to make an emergency landing and spend hours servicing the engine before being able to take off again.

The airline was only able to stay in business for a short while before going bankrupt. TLA Airlines was founded after that, and passengers seemed to switch to it.

Because of this airline’s record, procedures for scraping their passengers’ remains off the tarmac are widely published.

Oddly enough, most of the employees of this airline use other airlines instead for their transportation needs.

ClearCase flies aircraft that resemble battleships being brought aloft by 25,000 parakeets, all of whom are weighed down by 25,000 pages of documentation, which none of them have ever read.