with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...
You might not live in the country if...
- you ever say "depending on the traffic" when estimating how long it takes to get somewhere
- you never say "but I can't come if the road is muddy" when estimating how long it takes to get somewhere
- you never say "but it'll be later if I get stuck behind a tractor" when estimating how long it takes to get somewhere
- you have known some of your neighbors for less than 20 years
- no random strangers give you a (friendly!) wave as you drive down the road
- you think "the road" is an ambiguous phrase
- mail addressed just to "Your Name, Town" might not get to you as fast as usual
- you can't remember what church someone goes to
- you'd never consider someone that lives 2 miles away to be a neighbor
- you think an auger is something unpleasant at the dentist's office
- you think "imporoving your irrigation" means buying a $2 attachment for your garden hose
- you think "your beans are weird" is probably an indecent joke
- you wouldn't be seriously insulted if someone told you "your beans are weird"
- when looking for a house, it never occured to you to avoid the highway so you don't get so many comments about whether or not your crop's rows are straight
- you have no idea where your nearest gravel supplier is
- you don't have to install anything on your roof before you can watch TV
- you think a lagoon is something from Scooby-Doo
- when driving down the road, you can't identify some of the crops alongside it
- you've never driven down a road with crops next to it
- your indoor plumbing still works when the electricity is off
alternative test for Amish: the nearest phone is less than a mile away
- you moved to the area from out of state last week, and you haven't met any distant relatives (or at least made any distant connections) yet
- when people refer to "the Old Country", you wonder which country they mean
- families whose native language isn't English have probably lived in the United States for less than 100 years where you live
- something more than 30 years old would never be considered "new"
- you know less than 10 that can remember a time when electric service wasn't available in the area
- you've never lamented the invention of touch-tone dialing, since you don't miss getting updates on the local news from the operator
- when doing genealogy research, you start somewhere other than the church archives
- when someone suggests having dinner together, you ask "at which restaurant?" instead of "your place or mine?"
- "at which restaurant" isn't a stupid question where you live because there's more than one good choice within 20 miles
- less than half of the radio stations in your area have a noontime ag report
- your high school sports teams have winning seasons periodically
- your graduating class had more than 25 people
- you think "the fifth grade teacher" is ambiguous because there are several 5th grade teachers at the local elementary school
- you don't think traffic is heavy if there's someone ahead of you at the stop sign
- you don't think that the mere presence of stop signs is a scary indicator of urban sprawl
- as you stroll through a parking lot, there's a car you don't recognize
- fresh horse droppings on the road might cause the city to send out a street cleaning team
- you have no connections with people that can give you a discount on beef because it was alive on their farm last week
And the #1 way to tell you might not live in the country:
The waitress at a restaurant explains they're out of chicken, and you think that means something other than your fried chicken will arrive 20 minutes late, but extra juicy.
bicycling, 
Comments
Thu, 09.10.2008 15:39
Well said John! I read your bl og from Planet Haskell, but as a young voter I agree with yo u 100%. Thanks for the e [...]
Sun, 05.10.2008 20:40
There is no denying that there have been plenty of people th at have killed in the name of Christianity. That does [...]
Sun, 05.10.2008 18:34
I think the formula you wanted is git format-patch $(git rev-list HEAD | tail -1)
Sun, 05.10.2008 14:23
I know it sounds nice to you, but, Christianity means an opp ressive, theocratic, brutal, b loody regime to many of [...]
Sat, 04.10.2008 23:47
I agree that there must be sen sible limits on government exp enditure, for sure. Healthc are is one of those wher [...]
Sat, 04.10.2008 23:43
Not at all, and I completely a gree with you. But I wanted to stress that part, because not everyone does.
Sat, 04.10.2008 23:41
Hi Cliff, I agree with you that the "they take jobs Ameri cans won't" argument doesn't m ake sense. I also agree [...]
Sat, 04.10.2008 17:26
I always worry when people cla im their ethics are founded on religious tenets, since most religions have a lot of [...]